“Today, I will focus on having a good relationship with myself”

Do you have any hobbies or activities that you participate in without your partner?

It’s your time to rejuvenate and replenish. I strongly believe that it’s a very important component of a healthy relationship. Essentially, it’s the foundation of an Interdependent Relationship, where both partners have their own interests and hobbies. For instance, I enjoy Zumba, Hip Hop & Yoga. My man enjoys badminton, squash & tennis. We both make time for our friends, and I love letting my hair down on a girls’ nights out just as much as he looks forward to a night out with the boys.

We are two very independent people who choose to be in a relationship. We spend most weekends together; sometimes it will be just the two of us, and sometimes we like to socialise with family & friends, as a couple. Interdependence is a much healthier relationship model than codependence. In an interdependent relationship you are responsible for your own happiness. In a codependent relationship you make the other person responsible for your happiness, or you take responsibility for your partner’s wellbeing. 

“I used to ask you to bring me flowers – now I plant my own”

When we rely too much on our partner for any aspect of our happiness then the relationship becomes fundamentally unbalanced, and that can lead to all kinds of difficulties for both partners. Sometimes the imbalance can be caused by over-reliance on your partner for financial security, and sometimes the imbalance can be a need for your partner to provide emotional security. It can be easy to fall into these patterns, and it can be hard to break them, but taking responsibility for your own happiness will ensure you have a much stronger and healthier relationship. 

There is a wise saying that two trees cannot grow in each other’s shade, and this perfectly illustrates the reasons why it is so important to have your own space. By maintaining your own personal space, you can grow strong and truly bloom. If you are trying to grow in each other’s shade, then you will only weaken one another, depriving each other of light and nutrition. As much as it is important for you to have the space to grow, you also need to allow your partner the space to grow; otherwise they will never have the opportunity to thrive. It can be easy to become over reliant on your partner, particularly when times are tough, but in the long run it will do neither of you any good. In order for both of you to reach your full potential, you need to be comfortable giving each other some space. In this way, you will both be so much stronger, for yourselves and for each other, and that can only ever be a positive thing for your relationship. 

Interdependence or codependence – share your experiences

Which category does your relationship fit into? Interdependency or Codependency? I would love to hear your story. By sharing your experiences you can help and inspire others to make positive changes.