“Don’t ruin other people’s happiness just because you can’t find your own”

Do you realise that other women will also be attracted to your man? 

Believe it or not, some women are only drawn to men who are already in a relationship. I call those guys “Unavailable Men (UM)”, and the women who desire them “Unavailable Men Lovers” (UMLs)”. 

The UML may envy you because she feels dissatisfied with her own life, and longs to be in a fulfilling relationship like the one you and your partner have. She will certainly be insecure, but she may not be aware of her insecurities. To her, getting your man may bolster her self-image by making her feel she has ‘won’ – and if she doesn’t succeed, she doesn’t need to look at her own shortcomings because she can put everything down to the fact that he was already taken. 

“Being the other woman doesn’t make you win. It makes you lose… your self-esteem, your values, and your character”

She will be very likely to flirt with your man in social situations, even when you are standing next to him. She will be oblivious to you and your feelings; all that matters to the UML is that your man chooses her over you. Once she’s achieved her aim, she may well find that the relationship is not what she had thought it would be, and move on. She will keep chasing other women’s happiness rather than making her own. 

Why do I say this? While she continues to look for her happiness in a relationship, rather than in herself, she will never find it. She sees your happiness and wants it for herself, but it doesn’t work like that. Once she has taken your place in the relationship she will come to realise that she doesn’t feel the happiness she saw you experiencing, because the only way you can experience that happiness is if you bring it with you into a relationship in the first place. UML’s often fall in and out of love very quickly, because they are continually looking to someone else to provide their happiness. 

You will always encounter people in life who have not reached a place where they are able to generate their own happiness. You cannot control other people’s lives, you can only take responsibility for your own.

My advice is to be an understanding and supportive partner, and an independent and confidant individual. If your partner is satisfied and fulfilled with you, he won’t be tempted to look elsewhere. Having hobbies and interests outside your relationship is also really important. Independence and self-reliance are far more attractive than insecurity and clinginess. So be that woman, and no amount of flirting will take your man away from you, that’s for sure!

Unavailable Man Lovers

Has your relationship been affected by another woman trying to move in on your man? How did you handle it? Do you think it is better to confront your man or to confront the woman?